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 Free iBT integrated writing task submission

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PostSubject: Free iBT integrated writing task submission   Tue Oct 02, 2007 7:08 am

Please post your writing responses for the free online iBT integrated task here. You do not need to log in or register to post your writing, simply click on POSTREPLY. Please allow at least a couple of days for an OnlinEnglish.net Administrator to view and respond to your task. Responses will be limited to a score and some generic comments targeting the areas you could improve in.

Good luck!
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PostSubject: Score and feedback for Veena   Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:56 pm

veena wrote:
A ghost ship named Mary Celeste was abandoned in the coasts of Portugal in 1872. It was known to have been travelling from Newyork to Genoa, Italy. Several theories have been proposed as to what caused the abandon. The passage explains two of the possibilities, "A Mutiny" and "A Piracy".

The passage says that the Captain of Mary Celeste, Benjamin Briggs was overly strict which made his crew members to kill the captain and his family and throw them into the sea. But the lecture contrasts this by saying that the Captain was an experienced and a respected person who was in charge of his crew and had freindly relationships with them.

The passage suggests another possibility could be that the ship which found the Mary Celeste killed the crew and the passengers for greed of valuables and threw them overboard to erase any evidence and later took the ship to Gibralter to claim a prize for finding the abandoned ship. This theory too, is countered by the lecture. It says that niether did the passengers carry any valuables which led to piracy, nor did the court find any evidence against Dae E Gracias who found the ship. Also the captains of both the ships were found to be in good terms.

The lecture gives one plausible expalnation , since both the passage and the lecture agree with the fact that out of 1701 barrels of alcohol that were carried, 9 were found empty. The barrels of alcohol would have been emptied due to leakage which led to fumes. Captain Briggs feared an explosion from these fumes, He feared a fire most as never before had they exported alcohol. This also explains the opened hatches and portholes. Hence they fled on a life boat and got lost in the sea either due to starvation or falling prey to the storm.


Hello Veena. Thank you for submitting your writing effort for the iBT Integrated TOEFL.
Your score / range = 3.5 ~ 4

Key areas to improve

1) In your introduction you need to show a link between the reading passage and the lecture. At the moment, the reader/assessor believes you are simply reporting information found in the reading passage. To dispel this belief you must inform the reader/assessor what you plan to be writing about.
2) You did well at extracting the information from the reading and linking it to the appropriate points from the lecture, that said some information pulled from the lecture was inaccurate (there were valuable items on the ship) and some information was omitted (personal belongings not being taken). A little more work on note taking would prove to be beneficial.
3) Your final paragraph is spot on. The information you presented is delivered appropriately with good expressions being used.

Best of luck with your iBT TOEFL Writing
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PostSubject: Score / Feedback for Len   Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:25 am

len wrote:
A ghost ship named Mary Celeste was a mystery for many years and was found abandoned in the coast of Portugal in 1872. It was believed that it travelled from New York to its final destination Italy. There was a lots of possible theories about its mystery of abandonment, both mentioned in the lecture and passage maybe there was a mutiny or piracy.
In the lecture it gives more explanation in some of the information mentioned in the passage however, there are contradicting ideas that mentioned from the lecture and the passage. According to the passage it says that the crew members killed the strict captain, Benjamin Briggs, and his family before throwing them to the sea, this statement contradict what the professor said on his lecture that records have shown that the captain Benjamin Briggs was an experienced and respected person who is in charge of crew members with good reputation.Another contradicting statement was that in the passage it was said that the ship and the crew members who found the mary celeste near portugal were the one responsible and have taken some amount of the valuables and yet it was mentioned in the lecture that no personal belongings of the sailors was missing and even in court they failed to produce any evidence against El Y Gracias to rule out the piracy and it was believed that both captains were good friends.
On the other hand, it was said in both the lecture and the passage that the ship was carrying a cargo of 1701 barrels of alcohol, nine of which were found empty though it was not elaborated in the passage the reason why? it was mentioned in the lecture that it was emptied due to leakage and might result to powerful fumes that caused captain Briggs and his crew to panic maybe beacuse according to what the lecturer had said captain Briggs was not known to export barrel of alcohol in his ship and maybe due to the reason that he feared the fumes might caused explosion, this force them to open hatches and portholes to avoid the powerful fumes. Furthermore, this might caused the crew to leave the ship on a life boat and loss at sea maybe by starvation or drawn by storm.

Hi there Len. Thank you for submitting your integrated writing effort.
Your score / range = 3 ~ 3.5

Key areas to improve

1) Reading your introduction we can see that you understand the task, but right from the beginning you are misrepresenting ideas. This may have to do with the grammar you are using. For instance, “A ghost ship named Mary Celeste was a mystery for many years…” The use of the simple past tense makes the sentence read as if the Mary Celeste is not a mystery anymore. You need to work on restating information.

2) Additional work needs to done with note taking. Try focusing on main ideas presented in the reading and listen for points from the lecture that contradict or support the main ideas. You are missing quite a bit of information from the lecture.

3) Try separating all of your ideas into paragraphs. This would have made identifying the two main contradictions easier.

Best of luck on your integrated writing.
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PostSubject: Score / feedback for Julie Shi   Wed Oct 10, 2007 8:00 pm

JulieShi wrote:
Both reading passage and the listening passage are describing about the mystery of the Mary Celeste, but they hold the different positions. From the author's perspective from the reading passage, he claimed that the cause of the abandoned ship without any passengers was mainly because of the pirates' rubbery. However, the speaker on the listening passage cast doubts against the lecture on the following paragraphs.

First, the captain of the Mary Celeste was responsible and had full experiences. Therefore, he was never surrender under the pirates' threat. In addition, none of his personal belongings were taken. That is to say, those evidences showed that pirates' threat would not the main reason.

Second, the explosion of the boat might be the reason of the mystery of missing boat. According to the confident record, the captain of the Mary Celeste had no experience of carrying alcohol before. Therefore, maybe he was too nervous to notice the alcohol were leaking and causing a big explosion.

Third, there was also the evidence showing that fire would not actually destroy the ship and that's why there were no passengers on board. The fire and explosion made they had to abandon the ship to escape. And, those evidences unveiled the mystery of the Mary Celeste.


Hello Julie Shi. Thank you for submitting your iBT TOEFL integrated writing.
Your score / range = 1

Key areas for improvement

1) Your introduction has some good elements. For instance you inform the reader/assessor that the reading and lecture share different opinions. However, you misinterpret the information found in the reading. You need to work on your paraphrasing. Paraphrasing also becomes an issue with our body paragraphs.

2) Note taking. You must work on your note taking strategies. Use symbols or abbreviations. When taking notes on the reading focus first on the topic sentences. Then look at the details and examples. Take brief notes. When the listening comes around listen for information that will either agree or disagree with the notes you have taken.

3) You must show the relationship between the reading and the lecture in your body paragraphs. You need to demonstrate how the information presented in the reading is contradicted or supported by the lecture.

Best of luck.
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PostSubject: Re: Free iBT integrated writing task submission   Fri Oct 12, 2007 2:24 pm

yash wrote:
1872 there was a abandoned ship that originally known as ghost ship and they found it the coast of Portugal. the final destination of that ship is in the Italy. The ship was found with its hatches and portholes open, but noone is in there. there was no sign of damage and violence, but when that happened the crew and the passengers we're never seen and never heard by thier own family.
there was a rumor that the crew and the passengers were killed by the captain of the ship.

Hi yash and thanks for trying out the integrated essay task.

This answer would, unfortunately, only score you a 1 on the iBT 5-band integrated writing scale.

You have only really repeated some information that was already available in the reading portion of the task, and then only vaguely. There is no indication in your writing that you understood the accompanying information from the lecture, nor any capacity to relate this back to the reading text.

Suggestions for improvement:

1. Take initial notes about the reading passage and try to organize it into clear sections or 'chunks'.

2. Concentrate on getting as much information as you can from the listening lecture. As you listen to and note this information from the lecture, draw arrows to the parts in your notes about the reading where the information sources seem to be talking about the same thing.

3. Write an essay that has a clear introduction summaizing the overall topic and the main idea/position of both reading and listening inputs and how they relate. Then work through the information in your notes and express them in your essay, relating the two sources.

You clearly need more practice with this sort of task, so I wish you the best of luck with it!

Regards,

Jason
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PostSubject: Feedback and Score for San   Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:25 am

san wrote:
In the lecture, the speaker made several points about the evidences reagrding the Mystery of Mary Celeste. The speaker argues the ship could have abandoned due to possible fear of fire. However, the reading contends that the ship could have been abandoned due to murder of captain or due to other ship crew members who might have killed people in this ship for valuables. Due to the points made in the lecture, it casts a doubt on the reading.

First point used to cast doubt on the reading is that, the captain was very experienced and used to take good care of his crew and there is no evidence for crew to have killed the captain.This contradicts the first point made in the reading that crew members could have killed catain, due to which they would have abandones the ship.

Another point made by the lecture is that, the captain never has a history of transporting alcohol and leak of alcohol would have caused fear of fire and not damage ship.

Based on the above poits made in the lecture, the theories presented in the reading are in doubt.

Hello San and thank you for submitting your essay.

Your score on this essay would be 2-2.5.

Your introduction is full of information that can be moved to the body of the essay. Furthermore you need to match information from the lecture to information from the reading in all your body paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvment


1. Your introduction should only mention how the reading and the lecture are related. Try not to go into too much detail supporting the relationship between the lecture and the reading. Save those details for the body paragraphs of your essay.

2. Your second body paragraph does not clearly mention the portion of the reading that is being contested. You need to do so or the paragraph is incomplete and you lose points.

3. You make a few typing errors and grammar errors. Evidence is a non-count noun so you should not write evidences. In addition you wrote, the ship could have abandoned, where it should be the ship could have been abandoned. Typing errors such as poits and catain are not acceptable. Be certain to go back through your essay and try to edit your writing.

Take care and good luck
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PostSubject: Feedback and score for Osan.   Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:51 am

Osan wrote:
There were many theories regarding the Mary Celeste ship. In the reading part the writer implies that it was some kind of revolution on the ship. The crew drinked some of the alcohol that was on the ship and then killed the captain and his family, throw them into the sea and abandoned the ship. Then they were coming to the shore and claimed that they discovered the ship in order to take the reward.At the end it is mentioned about a captain who was in a trail related to the Mary Celeste Mistery.
In the listening part the man is saying that the article is not concludent, and he is proposing another theory.It was the first time when the captain transported alchool and he was very afraid of burning the ship. So he beleived that the ship was going to explode because of the alchohol. There were leakings of alchool, and that explains the empty bottles. This is the main reason that make the captain abandone the ship.
In the end I am taking the side of the man who was speaking, because his story is more logical and he gave me real reasons.

Hello Osan and thank-you for writing an integrated essay.

You score for this essay would be 1-2.

Your essay does not meet the requirements of the task which are to indicate how the lecture and the reading are related and then to explain that relationship using points from the lecture and the reading.

Suggestions for improvement

1. Write an introduction for the essay where you demonstrate the relationship between the reading and the lecture. In this case the lecture casts doubt on the reading.

2. Organize your body paragraphs. Each body paragraph should contain a point from the reading and a pointing from the listening, with emphasis on information from the listening. Then indicate how the two points are related and support the overall relationship mentioned in the introduction.

3. You have trouble maintaining the correct verb tense and are not familiar with some common irregular verbs. When you make a list of events that occur in sequence be certain to maintain the same verb tense. In addition drinked is not the past form of drink. Drank is the past form of drink.

You put in a good effort and can make some simple adjustments to the format of your essay to easily improve your score.

Good luck with your writing!
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PostSubject: Score / Feedback for Natasha   Sat Oct 13, 2007 9:03 pm

Natasha wrote:
There are several versions explaining the mystery of Mary Celeste. Some of them concentrate on the possibility of mutiny or piracy on the ship whereas the other ones deny them giving a different idea and reasons that support it. The explanations why violence didn't take place then are presumed to be more sensible.
First, the theory about murders and robbery on the ship can be contradicted by the following facts. Captain Benjamin Briggs was considered to be highly respected by the members of the crew, therefore they wouldn't dare to kill him. Another proof is that the sailors didn't take anything from the ship, they even left some of their personl belongings there. Moreover, the captain of the ship that found Mary Celeste was a good friend of Benjamin Briggs.
Second, there is another more sound explanation to this case. It is beleived that the people on that ship decided to abandon it as they thought that it might explode because of the fumes of alcohol leaking from the barrels. Therefore, they opened all hatches and portholes. first. Afterwards they left it immediately. They probably took lifeboats and later were drawn because of storm or died of starving or thirsting.
In conclusion, damage or violence doesn't seem to have happened on Mary Celeste. There are the facts proving the weakness of this theory and also, another version is more reasonable.

Hello Natasha. Thank you for submitting your independent TOEFL essay.
Your score/range = 2 ~ 2.5

Key areas for improvement

1) Demonstrate integration. Show where your information comes from by stating that information ‘X’ comes from the reading and that information ‘Y’ is taken from the lecture. In addition, mention if the information you are introducing contradicts or supports each other.

2) You need to work on your note taking. I have written about this before in other posts, if you wish to look through. I am mentioning this fact because the information you presented in your 1st body paragraph is erroneous.

3) You need to develop all the points that you present in your introduction. You indicate that there are at least 4 (mutiny, piracy, and other ones) different theories to the disappearance of the Mary Celeste, which indicates that you should have 2 or 4 body paragraphs supporting your claims. That said, in this essay I would have had 3 body paragraphs (mutiny, piracy, and alcohol).

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PostSubject: Score / Feedback for Paul   Tue Oct 16, 2007 2:12 am

paul wrote:
The lecturer completely refutes the reasons behind the mystery of the ghost ship Mary Celeste. He argues that mutiny and piracy are not valid reasons for the disappearance of the crewmembers.

According to the lecture, mutiny by the crewmembers to their captain, Benjamin Briggs is not reasonable. Briggs was experienced, respected and well liked by his crewmembers. This contrasts the statement in the passage that the crewmembers loathed their captain. Under the influence of alcohol, they killed the captain and his family, and threw them overboard. The crew members then left the ship using a lifeboat. The character portrayed by the captain makes mutiny not a convincing reason.

Piracy was also less likely to be possible. According to the reading passage, the people who discovered the ship were believed to be pirates who took valuable things and killed the crewmembers to eliminate all evidences. They even got a reward from finding the lost ship. However, the lecturer stated that piracy was not valid because evidence from the ship proved that personal belongings were left behind. Moreover, the person who discovered the ship was a friend of Briggs, and a captain of a ship himself. More importantly, the court was not able to present any concrete evidence linking him and his people to such crime.

On the other hand, the lecturer offers an alternative reason. He believes that fumes coming from alcohol forced the members to abandon ship. The nine empty alcohol barrels might have started the fumes. Unfortunately, Briggs had no previous experience of transporting alcohol, and he feared fire the most. When the fumes started, the crewmembers opened the portholes and hatches to release some gas. According to a German named Vight, the fumes can explode without actually causing destruction to the ship. Driven by fear, Briggs and his crew abandoned the ship using lifeboats. They probably died from starvation or drowning in the middle of the sea.

Hi Paul. Thank you for submitting your effort on the integrated iBT TOEFL essay.
Your score/range = 3.5 ~ 4

This is a very good effort Paul. You did a good job at indicating how to 2 sources (reading passage and lecture) correlated, and you presented the inforamtion in a logical and clear manner.

Key areas for improvement

1) Details: Remember that all the details need to have a link with your topic sentence. A minor mistake is the detail related to personal belongings not being stolen. This element should go with the idea of mutiny.

2) Your introduction does well at introducing the topic, but fails to mention the reading passage, where the ideas of mutiny and piracy appear. Mention both sources in your introduction.

Your note taking and paraphrasing skills are very strong. You were able to gather all the information regarding the theories surrounding the Mary Celeste presented in the lecture, and your were capable of presenting the information for the last theory in the order it appeared in the listening passage. Excellent work. You most likely would have scored a 4 with this effort.

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PostSubject: Score/Feedback for Bubu   Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:25 am

Bubu wrote:
Known as ghost ship, Mary Celesta is still a matter of dispute among historians. After its set off from Portugal in 1872 to Italy, it has been found deserted on the sea.
One of the theories on records states that Crew must have killed the captain, Benjamin, as well as his family because of his being so strict. However, in the lecture Captain was told to be an experinced captain with good reputation and the crew hadn't showed anything suspicious before.
The other theory is that it was found by anothr ship and alll people were killed in the ship to steal valuable things from the ship. But in the lecture, it is stated that no personal belongings were allowed; morover, captain had a good friendship with the captain of the other ship.
As for a third theory, all the alcohol barrels were found full in the ship as stated in the records but in the lecture it is stated that, even told to be the most reasonable theory, there is a high poosibilty of a danger of explosion because of a possible alcohol leaking, as a German expert says, and for this reason all people in the ship must have left the ship on boats as a result of which they may have died of starvation, thirst or they may have drowned.

Hi Bubu. Thanks for submitting your integrated iBT TOEFL essay.
Your score/range = 2

Key areas for improvement
1) Paragraph Development. You need to indicate where your information comes from (either it is from the reading or the lecture), and complete your paragraph by reiterating how the points support or refute each other.

2) Note Taking. You need to work on your note taking skills. There are many methods to take notes such as mind mapping or stenographing, you need to find one that is easy for you. Note; ensure that your notes taken from the reading are accurate because not being able to restate information that is written and accessible throughout the exam is not viewed well by the reader/assessor.

3) Review. Before submitting your task review it to eliminate the most mistakes as possible. To do this you need to plan the amount of time you will spend writing. It shouldn’t take you more than 15 minutes to write out your essay. You must get rid of all elements that can create confusion in the reader/assessor.

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PostSubject: Score / Feedback for Jibujaco   Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:58 am

jibujaco wrote:
Both the lecture and talk were discussing the possible causes of the mystery behind the abandoned ship "Mary Celeste". The ship was found abandoned in Portugal. It was supposed to reach Italy from NewYork. But the ship was found abandoned without any damage or any signs of pirate attack.
one of the explanation behind this :ghost" appearance is the the Captiin of the ship was a stict man and the crew who were angry with this captain killed him and his family and escaped in a life boat but they too couldn't survive the sea.
Another reason tha t expalins this is that the people who found this ship were the culprit. they might have killed the captin and the crew and stollen soem valuable articled from the ship and they even asked for reward for finding an abandoned ship.
But one reason which describe this is that the captain who was a well known and reputed was carrying alcohol for the first time. out of 1701 barrels of alcohol , 9 were empty. the reason could be leakage which caused fumes and explosion without fire or further damage. The captian and crew might got scared of this and somehow mannaged to escape in the life boat. however they were not lucku enought to reach the shore for the reason that the sea might be rough.
To conclude all these explanations were just based on assumptions and there is no solid evidence to prove none of this. The mystery behind the ship still reamins and we have to be satisfied with all these expalnations.

Hi Jibujaco. Thank you for submitting your integrated iBT TOEFL essay.
Your score/range = 1 ~ 1.5

Key areas for improvement

1) Integration. Your 1st and 2nd body paragraphs do not mention anything from the lecture. In order to show integration each point presented needs to be discussed from the reading and the lecture’s perspective.

2) The positive points are your introduction and conclusion. They do well at introducing the essay and bringing it to a close, without becoming opinionated.

3) Review. The difference between a score of 4 and a score of 5 can be grammar and spelling mistakes. As soon as some of your mistakes start interfering with the comprehension you lose marks. Look at your essay again and simply count how many corrections you could have made in 2 minutes.

It is hard to tell if you struggle with note taking capabilities and/or other elements because you did not elude to the lecture in body paragraphs 1 and 2. You should probably read other feedback available to get additional pointers.

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PostSubject: Score/Feedback for Diggi   Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:51 am

Diggi wrote:
A ghost ship named "Mary Celeste" has been the topic of intrigue for many historians till date. It was found abandonded in Portugal in 1872 on a voyage from New York to Genoa, Italy. Surprisingly, the ship was found with minimal damage and hatches / potholes open.

Many hypotheses have been formulated to explain these incidents pertaining to the "Mary Celeste". Some historians have claimed that it may be due to a mutiny in which the crew killed the strict captain "Mr. Briggs" and his family and threw their bodies overboard. This is supported by the fact that 9 out of the 1701 barrels of alcohol were missing. They then abandonded the ship. Another popular theory is that the ship was looted by another ship's crew and the passengers were killed to dispose of the evidence. This is supported by the fact that a British naval officer suspected foul play.

Both the above explanations in the passage seem flawed as is revelaed in the lecture. Foremost, the captain was an experienced man and a mutiny seemed unlikely. Also, the crew that found the ship was under a captain who was a friend of Mr. Briggs and so this rules out piracy.

The only seemingly sound explanation is that the captain was inexperienced in transporting alcohol and thus the alcohol fumes could have raised an alarm of a possible fire breaking out on board. This could have goaded the crew into abandoning the ship. They would have later been lost at sea or fallen prey to the ocean while on their lifeboats. A strong point favoring this explanation is the 9 missing barrels of alcohol that couldve leaked out and created the alcohol fumes. A german model experiment even showed that fire and alcohol effluvium could have been a very plausible possibility indeed.

Offcourse none of the expalantions have been proved and still stand to be mere conjectures. The mystery of the ghst ship remains an enigma still.


Hi Diggi. Thank you for submitting your effort on the integrated iBT TOEFL essay.
Your score/range = 2 ~ 2.5

Key areas for improvement

1) Integrated Paragraphs. You need to link your correlating ideas within a paragraph. You need to show how the ideas presented in the reading passage and those from the lecture support or refute each other.

2) Development. All details pertinent to the main ideas that you put forward need to be included. I am mentioning this because you are missing a lot of details to back up the two ideas presented in your second body paragraph. That said, I don’t think you have difficulty taking notes seeing that your third body paragraph has a lot of information taken from the lecture.

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PostSubject: Score/Feedback for Deepan   Tue Oct 23, 2007 6:43 am

Deepan wrote:
The lecture refutes the claim made by the passage about the mystery of Mary Celeste, popularly called as 'Ghost ship'. According to the passage, two possible explanation for the mystery of Mary Celeste is proposed. However, the lecture challenges both the reasons by raising special claims as explained below.

Firstly, the lecture states that the Captain who was incharge of the ship which found Mary Celeste was a well known person and a good friend of the Captain of Mary Celeste. Moreover, the rescue team didn't carry any personal belongings with them. Adding to this, the lecture states that there were no strong evidence to support that rescue team has pirated the Mary Celeste. All these facts collectively eliminates the possibility of piracy theory suggested by the passage.

Secondly, the lecture refutes the possibility of mutiny between the crew and the Captain Benjamin Briggs. Nine out of 1701 alcohol barrels were found empty and this was suspected as a possible reason for throwing the people overboard. However, according to the lecture, any alcohol leakage would have caused alcohol fumes inside the ship and thus the Captain might have emptied the leaking barrels to avoid any harmful circumstances. The lecture also provides a study conducted by a German scientist to support this claim.

In conclusion, the lecture completely disagrees with the claim made by the passage. It also provides conclusive evidence to challenge the possible explanations given in the passage.


Hi Deepan. Thank you for submitting your integrated writing with onlinenglish.net

Your score/range = 2 ~ 2.5

Key areas to look at for improvement

1. Your introduction does a good job at introducing the topic and the two points of views. The grammar mistakes in your introduction need to be addressed. (Plural versus singular > how many claims? “…two possible explanation … is proposed.” “… both the reasons …”.

2. Develop the idea of integration, by going deeper into the information presented in the reading passage. For example, why does the author mention piracy and mutiny? You state that the lecturer refutes the ideas of piracy and mutiny, but you never explain why the author thinks they are plausible theories.

3. Need to work more on your note taking skills. In your 1st body paragraph most of your listening notes are good. However, in your 2nd body paragraph a lot of the information you put forward is inaccurate. For instance, “Nine out of 1701 alcohol barrels… reason for throwing the people overboard.” This was not said by the lecturer and it is an inaccurate paraphrase of the reading passage. By misstating were information comes from you automatically lose points.

4. You need to mention the plausible theory developed by the lecturer and briefly, mentioned by the author.

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PostSubject: PLAGIARISM ... WHY???   Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:07 am

imran wrote:
In the world of mysteries Mary Celeste mystery had been attracting people for a long time . There are different possible theories of how the ship MAry Celeste disappeared are mentioned in the reading section,In the listening was about a man that explained about the captain and crew and also about what was in the ship also how the ship disappeard..

One of the therioes is that the crew could have killed the captain and his family because of his strictness (1-grammar). But the listening explained that the captain Benjamin Briggs was a highly experienced captain and was very respected. The crew had a good reputation also. So this says that there couldn't of been any mutiny on the ship.

Another theory was that the ship that found the Mary Celeste killed all the crew and passengers took small amount of valubles from the ship and get the reward of finding the missing ship. However the listening explained that the captain of the ship Mary Celeste was a friend of Mary Celeste .

The reading and the listening agreed on that there was barrels of alcohol on the ship. 9 of this barrels were found empty which concludes to that it leaked . If alcohol leaks, the fumes can explode. When the captain and the crew saw this he jumped off the ship. At that time fire was what captains were most scared of. So the captain and the crew abandoned the ship.

This concludes the theories of the ghost ship Mary Celeste. The reading and listening had different theories but agreed on that the alcohol could of scared the crew and the captain off the ship .

To Imran.

Where to begin??? Why would anyone want to plagiarize other people’s writing efforts? Why would anyone want to plagiarize other people’s work when we are here offering a service for free in order to help you improve your skills? I am not too sure how you can respond to my questions, and honestly I really do not want to hear your excuse. There is simply no room for plagiarism.

Furthermore, I find it hard to believe, but, maybe plagiarism is viewed in a positive way in your country. If that is so, well my apologies, but in the US, Canada, Australia and Europe a plagiarizer is expelled from school with all grades forfeited.

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PostSubject: Score/Feedback for iooooo   Wed Oct 24, 2007 7:28 am

ioooooo wrote:
The story from the lecure and from the readin passage is about the "Mary Celeste" ship named "ghost ship" because it was found close to Portugal's shores in 1872 without crew and passangers on it.
According to the lecture the captain of this ship,whose name was Benjamin Brigges, was well known,responsible and fair man.This infpormation contradict to the reading passage where it was writtren that he was killed by his own crew because of seaman's strike.
Second, the lecturer said that the ship wasn't damaged and everything was there.This mean that it wasn't a pitares attack or a robbery made by the crew from the other ship which "found" "Mary Celeste".
Finally in the lecure and in the reading is said that the "ghost ship" had transported 1701 barrels of alcohol. However, the lecurer suppose that Bringgs may have had a panic attack because this was his first trasportation of illigal goods and may have left the ship with his crew.

Hello iooooo. Thank you for submitting your iBT integrated writing effort with onlinenglish.net.

Your score/range = 2~2.5

Looking at this effort positively, you were able to gather some information from the lecture and correlate it to the reading passage quite well.

Key areas to look at for improvement

1. Note taking. You are missing a lot of information. You need to practice taking notes. This can be done by listening to some of the Reuter videos that we have on our site. You should also practice shorthand writing.

2. Paraphrasing. To be able to paraphrase is extremely important because it demonstrates your chance to show your advanced vocabulary and grammar structure. The first sentence you wrote presented wrong information this might be due to paraphrasing difficulty. The name of the ship is Mary Celeste, and it is considered the original ghost ship.

3. Grammar and spelling. I understand that some mistakes may slip through the cracks, but you do need to try and minimize those errors. In the first clause, of your very first sentence, there are two spelling mistakes and one grammar mistake.

4. Introduction. Your introduction needs to indicate to the reader/assessor if the different sources support or refute each other.

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PostSubject: Score/Feedback for Dedicated   Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:05 am

dedicated wrote:
The discussion concerns the mystery about the ghost ship named Mary Celeste. The lecture contradicts the information stated in the passage. The lecture affirms that there was no mutiny and piracy as stated in the passage.

Firstly, the lecture states that the captain of the ship was experienced and enjoyed a good reputation. This is opposed to what the passage says. The passage states that the captain was indeed killed by the crew members. This seems impossible if the captain enjoyed a healthy reputation as stated in the lecture.

Secondly, the lecture states that the captain was apprehensive about the ship exploding and wanted to abandon the ship. Also, the captain was in a hurry and had never transported alcohol. He must have become nervous and the 9 barrels could be empty as they were leaking. This is opposed to the information suggested by the passage. The passage attributes suspicion to the fact that the 9 barrels of alcohol were missing.

The lecture says that no piracy could have taken place as the crew never carried any of their belongings. Moreover, the ship and crew had an affable relationship with captain Benjamin, and could not have taken away the belongings. Hence, there is no piracy. This is opposed to what the passage states that the ship and crew might have killed the crew and passengers in order to get hold of the belongings.

Finally, the lecture also states that no evidence is present of the crew being punished in the court of law. This is opposed to what the passage states.

Thus, using the above examples one can conclude that the lecture contradicts the information contained in the passage.


Hi Dedicated. Thanks for submitting your effort with the iBT TOEFL integrated writing tasks.

Your score/grade = 2~2.5

For a first go at this task, you did okay. You were able to extract a lot of information from the listening passage and you know how to construct a response to an integrated writing essay.

On the other hand, you did have difficulty with some:

Comprehension; your 2nd body paragraph should use information from the lecture and reading to show how the two have supportive information. You might have missed that by not covering the part of the reading passage that deals with the port holes being open.

Correlation of listening and reading notes; as for your 3rd body paragraph, were you state that “… the crew never carried any of their belongings.” should be placed under the topic sentence dealing with mutiny.

Paraphrasing; “the ship and crew killed the crew and passengers in order to get hold of the belongings.” Did the crew commit suicide?

Your conclusion has no supportive or refuting evidence, which means there is no integration to be found. To show integration you need to present both [lecture and reading] positions.

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PostSubject: Score/Feedback for Desola   Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:45 pm

desola wrote:
The discussions from the lecture and passage are about the mystery surrounding Mary Celeste, the original "ghost ship". The lecture disagrees
with the idea that mutiny or piracy may have been responsible for the disappearance or abandonment of the ship and gives further explanations to support his opinion

He argues that it is unlikely that the crew of the ship would have mutinied against a captain they respected. The fact that no valuable items were missing also supports this arguement. He also challenges the second idea that the crew of the other ship may have taken valuables and killed the crew to remove evidence, because both captains were friends.

the lecture suggests that the captain,who was inexperienced in the transport of alcohol may have abandoned the ship due to fear that the leakage of alcohol would cause the ship to explode. the captain and his crew probaly got lost at sea and drowned or starved to death


Hello Desola, and thank you for attempting onlinenglish’s iBT TOEFL Integrated writing task.

Your score/range = 3~3.5

Key areas to look at for improvement

1. Your introduction is very good. There is a key element that needs to be clarified. You need to tell the reader/assessor where the information comes from. For instance, you mention that the lecture disagrees with mutiny and piracy being causes to the fate of the Mary Celeste, but you fail to mention who believes that mutiny and piracy are the reasons for the original ghost ship.

2. As mentioned for the introduction, you need to state where your information comes from. Who says what? You focus strictly on the listening and show no integration of material from the reading passage.

I believe that if you are able to demonstrate integration of elements pertaining to the two sources available (the listening and the reading) that you will score will be in the 4 to 5 range.

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PostSubject: Score/Feedback for Giangiu   Sun Oct 28, 2007 11:32 pm

Giangiu wrote:
This set of materials talks about the mystery of the Mary Celeste which was found abandoned off the coast of Portugal in 1872. That story has intrigued historians for many years who have tried to figure out the reasons of the vanishing. (What or who vanished?)
The reading passage gives two possible theories about it: the first is that there was a mutiny aboard the ship and the crew killed the captain and his family before leaving the ship throwing them overboard.
The second theory is that the ship and the crew that found the ship have been the ones responsible taking a small amount of personal belongings, having killed the crew and the passengers to remove any trace of that evidence and furthermore taking advantage of the reward for finding a missing ship.
The speaking passage integrates the reading one pointing out that its theories was unlikely and giving a further logical explanation. (I don't understand.)
Regarding to the mutiny it has been improbable because the captain was an expert and respected leader with a good reputation.
About the second theory the ship Day Grazia which found the ship was captained by someone known as a friend of the captain and moreover there was all the personal belongings aboard therefore any clue of a possible robbery has found.
According to the further explanation the speaking passage gives is that the alcohol cargo which the ship was carrying exploded albeit the crew and the passengers abandoned the ship with lifeboats dying in the next days drowning, starving of by a storm.
That theory is plausible due to an experiment that proved the ship would not have been damaged after an explosion of its alcohol cargo.

Hello Giangiu. Thanks for trying onlinEnglish’s free iBT TOEFL integrated writing.

Your score/range = 2 ~ 2.5

Reading over your essay, I see that you were able to extract most of the important information contained in the listening passage.

Key areas to look at for improvement

1. Integration. As mentioned in previous posts, you need to correlate the information you have pulled from the listening to the information found in the reading in one paragraph.

2. Be precise and specific. You need to write everything. A good way to approach this is to believe that the reader/assessor knows nothing. For example, your introduction states that historians are trying to figure out something about someone or something vanishing. Who or what has vanished. Moving on, your 6th body paragraph states that the Mary Celeste exploded. *This statement is incorrect*. Finally, your conclusion tries to explain your 6th body paragraph, but fails due to missing information. **I know what you want to say, but you are not saying it.**

3. Avoid one-sentence paragraphs. Break up your sentences. It is very hard to read sentences that go on for four or more lines. In this writing effort you have 8 paragraphs, and 9 sentences. Try making shorter sentences, and more developed paragraphs.

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PostSubject: Score/Feedback for Mamamae   Sun Jan 06, 2008 8:48 am

mamamae_ wrote:
Time and time again, people are always amazed about ghosts ships. Researchers and scientists tries to unravel the mystery that lies behind it. But one particular ship, has given scientists,theories and postulations as to how this ship can't be called a ghost ship. This one particular ship, Mary Celeste, which was found abandoned in 1872 off the coast of Portugal.

There were 2 theories made, Mutiny and Piracy.Mutiny, because the crew killed Capt. Briggs and family and threw them overboard.The other one is Piracy because they said another Captain and crew overtook Mary Celeste and killed them and took their jewelries. This was contested by several findings. For the Mutiny part, it was said that Capt Briggs is very well experienced and his crew are very good crew.So it was impossible for it to happen. Piracy on the other hand, is another contestable theory, for the captain is a very good friend of Capt. Briggs and proof of documentation that this was so ruled out the Piracy theory.

The only plausible explanation for the open hatches and windows and the disappearance of the crew, with the 9 missing barrels out of 1701 barrels of alcohol, is the abandoning of the ship, in which Capt. Briggs decided on. During those period, fear of fire on board the ship is a very big problem. Any proof there is fire, captains has to call abandon ship. Opening the hatches and windows can only air out the smoke.The reasoning why they are not found is because they are battling with nature. They have to confront the factors of being left on the sea, storms,starvation and dehydration and also no land can be found nearby which will eventually lead to death.

Hello Mamamae.
Thank you for posting your response to onlinenglish’s iBT TOEFL Integrated writing task.

Your score/range: 2 ~ 2.5

This is a good attempt at the integrated writing task. For starters you were able to extracts some of the important information from the listening and the reading passage.

That being said some work needs to be done on the way you organize your information and the way you form your sentences.

Areas that need improvement

1) The introduction of an integrated writing task does not need to be very elaborate. In fact, all that is required is that the learner states the topic along with the positions held by the different sources. You have successfully stated the topic, but you haven’t informed the reader/assessor what it is you will be presenting in your essay. You needed to state that the writer had two possible theories regarding the Mary Celeste and that the professor/speaker refuted the author’s explanations.

2) There is a need to state where the information is coming from or who is saying what. You should also follow one idea given by the reading passage with one idea (may it be supporting or refuting) from the listening passage (or vice-versa). This will aid in keeping information organized.

3) Be careful with the way you paraphrase or rephrase ideas. You do not want to change the meanings. For instance you state in the second paragraph that the crew killed Captain Briggs and his family. The wording is somewhat different from “The author puts forward the idea that possibly the crew killed the captain and his family.”

4) Finally, stick to what has been said or written and reread your work before sending it in or handing it in. The number of grammatical errors you have committed in this short essay ensures that you will not be graded higher than a 3.

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PostSubject: Feedback/Score for Vladimir   Sun Jan 06, 2008 6:15 pm

Vladimir wrote:
Both the passage and the lecture discuss the mistery of the Mary Celesta. known as "ghost ship". However, the lecture casts doubts on the reasons given in the passage that caused the mistery and provides an alternative explanation.

First of all, based on the fact that the captain of the Mary Celesta was well known as a professinal crew recruiter the professor does not found logically sound the first possible explanation of the passage. Specifically, that the crew killed the captain and his family, threw them aboard and left the ship on the lifeboats.

The second theory professor argues about is that the ship the Day of Cretsia that found the Mary Celestat is in charge for killing its crew and the passangers in order to get the bonus for finding a missing ship. The lecture provides the evidence that both captains were friends and that the court dismissed any claims towards the captain of the Day of Cretsia on the above discussed matter.

Finally, the professor cites an alternative viewpoint to explain how the Mary Celesta lost all of its passangers but the ship itself remained completely safed. There were nine emply bottles of alchohol found on the ship among few thousands of full ones. These nine are supposed to leak and to cause a powerful fume on the board. This fact explains why all the hutches of the ship were found opened and suggests that after that the crew left the shhip. One of the modern scientists made a similation of this situation and he stated that its actually possible that even powerful fume does not destroy the ship.

Hello Vladimir
Thank you for posting your response to onlinenglish’s iBT TOEFL Integrated writing task.

Your score/range: 2.5 ~ 3

This is a very good effort Vladimir. Do not let the grade get to you. You have some important information from both passages which is good and you actually got quite a bit on the alternative theory presented by the professor.

Areas for improvement

1. State who says what. When looking at you 2nd paragraph the assessor does not know who is saying what. The assessor cannot rely on your introduction because you do not state the positions held by the different sources. Had you, for example, stated the two possible causes brought forward by the reading in your introduction, at the very least the assessor would know who said what in your 2nd paragraph.

2. You need to be as specific as possible. The two theories mentioned by the author should not only be defined, but also named. In your 3rd paragraph you mention that the professor provides evidence to refute one of the theories mentioned in the reading passage, but you do not tell what the evidence is.

3. A final point you may want to work on is paraphrasing. It is somewhat acceptable to miss some information from the listening passage, however the assessor will not view erroneous paraphrasing from the reading lightly. Look back at the reading passage and look at how you can correct your 3rd paragraph.

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PostSubject: Feedback/Score for Paola   Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:55 pm

paola wrote:
Expressing different opinions, both the reading and the lecture dispute of the mistery of the Mary Celeste, a ghost ship found off the coast of Portugal,with no crew on board.

A mutiny is the first hypothesis the reading suggests.
Although no sign of violence or damage were found, except for the open portholes and some broken alcohol barrels,the captain might have been killed and the ship abandoned.

This theory is opposed by the lecturer claiming that, since the captain was an expert sailor loved by his trusty men, a mutiny was unlikely to happen.

The text also suggests a second hypothesis.
Possibly, the vessel which found the Mary Celeste attacked the ship, stole the valuables, removed the evidence and made for Gibraltar to get a reward for the ship's rescue.

The lecture .on the contrary, holds that the Mary Celeste was found by the Deo Gratia, a ship whose captain was a close friend of the MC's commander. He couldn'have attacked and robbed the crew, since once in Gibraltar, no valuables were found on board of the Deo Gratia

The speaker then provides his own explanation.
Suspecting an explosion, due to the vapours released by the alcohol leaking out from the broken barrels, the captain may have ordered his men to open the portholes for air. Probably a blast actually occured although with no consequences for the ship ,which was then abandoned and the crew lost at sea.

In conclusion, whilts the reading tries to solve the mistery of the Mary Celeste in line with the conventional piracy advemntures,the lecture provides an alternative persuasive explanation.

Hello Paola.
Thank you for posting your response to onlinenglish’s iBT TOEFL Integrated writing task.

Your score/range: 3 ~ 3.5

This is a very good effort. I like the way you introduced the essay -short, simple and to the point-, and were able to present many of the important points given in the reading and listening passage. The way you expressed yourself –vocabulary and sentence structure- is what might bring you up to a 4 in the test. I would however mark this 3.5.

Areas to look at for improvement

1. Ensure to gather all the appropriate information from the reading passage. In your second paragraph very little of the information you presented related to the first theory.

2. Look at working on your note taking strategies. You are missing a lot of information from the listening passage for both points argued by the author. Listen for key words or ideas presented in the reading passage to be repeated in the listening passage. In addition, work on taking shorthand, this will help you listen more carefully at what is being said rather than spend most of your time writing.

3. Join your paragraphs. Ideas that belong together should be within the same paragraph. Rather than having 7 paragraphs you will have 5 well constructed paragraphs. In addition, use strong topic sentences to introduce each paragraph. For instance, ‘The first point brought forward by the author is that of …’. This will eliminate the use of headings and make your essay look stronger and read more easily.

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PostSubject: Feedback/Score for Daniel   Sun Jan 06, 2008 8:26 pm

Daniel wrote:
Several theories have been develop in order to explain the case of the Mary Celeste, the original "gost ship" which was found
abandoned off the coast of Portugal in 1872. The lack of any sign of violence or damage besides the fact that all the hatches
and portholes were open, caught the attention of the crew that first discovered the ship witout any of its crew members aboard.

One of the theories claims that the captain and his family were killed by the crew members in a mutiny, and the nine (out of a total of 1701)
barrels of alcohol found empty would be an evidence in this direction. However, the opponents of this theory claims that the Captain of the ship, Benjamin Briggs,
was a experienced man and his crew had a very good reputation which can be corroborated with the fact that their personal belongings were left in the ship.

The other theory propose the idea that the captain and crew members of the Mary Celeste were killed by the first founders of the ship
who robbed some of the ship values and then took the boat to the crown to claim the reward for having found a lost ship. Even though there had been serious
defenders of this theory, historical researchers have shown that the captain of the ship that found the mary celeste was a close friend of captain briggs. Besides, no evidence
of robbery or violence was found ever by the investigations conducted at the time.

A more reasonable theory developed by some scholars explains the mistery of the MAry Celeste not in terms of piracy but in terms of the cargo the
ship was carrying. The idea is that Captain briggs was not experienced in the transport of alcohol so he got scared after the licking of some of the barrels.
Fearing an explotion the crew would have open the portholes and hatches to allow the fumes to leave the boat. The final decision would have been to leave the boat and save their lives.

Hello Daniel.
Thank you for posting your response to onlinenglish’s iBT TOEFL Integrated writing task.

Your score/range: 4.5 ~ 5

Excellent work Daniel. You were able to extract all of pertinent information from the listening passage and relate it to the main points argued in the reading passage. There are a few grammar & spelling mistakes but none that interfere with the understanding of the passage.

This is definitely an effort that should be looked at by others. I would encourage you to give advice or share your strategies with others on things you have done in order to accomplish so well on the integrated writing task.

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PostSubject: Feedback/score for Azeuch   Sun Jan 06, 2008 9:27 pm

azeuch wrote:
The reading passage talks about the mystery of the ship “Mary celestial”, which was found abandoned off the coast in Portugal in 1872. The fact that the ship was abandoned and still intact with lots of Alcohol barrel and personal belongings in there[in versus on], has aroused many theories in order to figure out what happened with the crew. The text shows two possible theories of what could have happened with the ship and the crew; however, according to the lecture, the two examples shown in the reading passages are not plausible.

The first example shown in the reading passage tells that a mutiny could have happened in the ship. Consequently, The whole crew killed the captain and his family and threw them aboard. After this they got out of the ship. According to the lecture, this is not well explained, because when the other ship found the “Mary celestial”, they found the entire personal goods left in the ship. If the crew had really killed the captain and had escaped, they would definitely bring their belonging along with them.

The second example which is shown in the text is that the other ship which was looking for the “Mary celestial” killed all the Crew, including the captain and his family, and then threw them aboard to remove the evidences. This is not true as well; the lecturer says that the captain of the ship who found the Mary Celestial was even a friend of the captain, who had vanished. What could have happened, according to the lecture, the captain suspected that the ship was about to explode because some of the barrel were liquing and he had never ridden a ship in which contained so many alcohol barrels. Consequently, the captain and the crew left the board with the fear that the ship would explode.

To conclude, these theories given by the lecturer are more plausible than the ones shown in the text. One thing that we know is that this ship will still remain a mystery for us.

Hello Azeuch.
Thank you for posting your response to onlinenglish’s iBT TOEFL Integrated writing task. We wish you all the best for 2008.

Your score/range: 3 ~ 3.5

This is a fair attempt at the task. The introduction is very strong and there are few mistakes with language use. For a first go, I believe this is good.

Key areas to look at for improvement

1. Present information accurately. Some minor errors are permitted, especially when they are coming from the listening section, but errors in spelling or meaning pertaining to the reading section are looked at harshly. For example, the name of the ship, and the information dealing with the piracy theory.

2. Break up your information. The last point should be in a paragraph of its own. You are introducing a new idea.

3. You may want to look closely at prepositions. In this task you confused ‘in’ with ‘on’. People are in (inside) something and on something. For example, I am flying in a plane, she is in the bus, he is on the boat, and they are on the sled.

4. Some work is still needed on note taking. You have succeeded in getting some of the key information from the listening, but the vagueness of the information presented reflects the need to work on shorthand and/or abbreviations.

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PostSubject: Feedback/Score for Cherie   Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:20 am

Cherie wrote:
Mary Celeste, the original ghost ship , had been quite mysterious because of the nature of its occupants(3.a). Around the 1800s, it was found abandoned , with portholes and latches open. Both its crew nor its passengers have not been heard of since then(3.b). The lecture contrasts the reading passage as to why the ship was left abandoned.

First, acording to the reading, the crew held a mutiny inside the ship. They killed the strict capatin along with his family and quickly escaped by the use of a lifeboat. The lecture refuted this by stating that the Captain was an experienced and well respected man. Also, the crew has an outstanding reputation. Furthermore, the crew have left their belongings intact, thus they could not have planned an escape and bring nothing with them (3.c).

Second, the reading surmised that the ones who found the ship might have stolen the valuables and killed the occupants. Afterwhich, they could have thrown the passengers overboard to get rid of the evidence. This is starkly contrasted by the lecturer, as the ship was found by a good friend of the captain and the belongings were still intact.

Lastly, the lecturer proposed a plausible explanation for the sudden disappearance. The fact that 9 alcohol barrels were empty may suggest a leakage that could have occured in the boat. This leakage could have have released powerful fumes which forced the crew to open the latches and portholes. To take further precaution from a possible eruption of fire, the captain along with the crew decided to immediately abandon the ship. They took a lifeboat which may have drowned or fallen prey to the ravaging sea. Also the crew might have succumbed to hunger and thirst.

To sum it all up, the Lecturer disputed the mutiny and piracy theory.She further concluded that the captatin and crew of Mary Celeste might have decided to willingly abandon the boat due to fears from alcohol explosion.

Hi there Cherie.
Thanks for trying onlinenglish's free TOEFL integrated writing task.

Score/range: 3 ~ 3.5

Overall, I think this was a good effort. Your introduction is good and you did okay at extracting most of the key information from the reading passage. I do like how you structured your essay. It is easy to read and follow.

Key areas to look at for improvement

You would have been graded in the 3 range due to your language in use, and some key points missing in your 3rd paragraph.

1. Cover the reading. Ensure that all the information that can be used from the reading passage is being used. For example, the crew being suspected of foul play.

2. Note taking: When note taking ensure that you are listening for information that can be used for either supporting or refuting the reading passage. I mention this because your third paragraph does very little in covering information from the listening passage.

3. Grammar: Look at 3.a and 3.c. Be aware of the verb tenses you are using. In the first case the use of the past perfect is problematic becase you are infering that the mystery is of no interest today. As for 3.c you are using 3 different verb tenses to talk about things that happened in the past. Looking at 3.b, you need to have a double negative or a double positive -Neither A nor B ... or ... Both A and B ... -.

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PostSubject: Feedback/score for Aozora   Mon Jan 07, 2008 2:58 am

Aozora wrote:
According to the reading passage, the Mary Celeste was considered as the original "Ghost ship" in 1872. All the hatches and portholes on the ship were open en there were neither the crew nor passengers on board. The reading passage has given two explanations for this mistery. However, the speaker in the lecture doesn't agree with these explanation. (What mystery?)

First, according to the passage the crew pledged a mutiny and killed the captain, Benjamin Briggs, and his family. They threw the victims overboard and left the ship with a lifeboat. The lecturer doesn't think that this theory is plausible because the captain was very experience and he was also liked by his crew. There were also no personal belongings of the captain and his family taken away.

Second, the other theory was that the people who have found the ship were the one who have killed the crew and passengers and who have stolen valuable things. And then they collected the reward for finding the ship. According to the lecture however, the person who has found the ship was a friend of the captain and there were no sign either of any stealing or killing by the court.

In the lecture a more reasonable explanation was given. It was assumed that the crew and passengers of Mary Celeste left the ship because they were afraid that the ship would explode from a leakage of alcohol. Apparently, of the 1701 bottles, there were 9 bottles that were empty because the alcohol was leaking. So the crew opened the portholes and hatchet. An model experiment showed thatbecause of the leakage fuels could explode, but not damage the ship. At that time captains were most afraid for fire. A good explanation for the missing crew and passengers is that they took a lifeboat and they were drowning or they died from starvation and thirst.

To conclude, we can say that the ghost ship was abandoned because of the alcohol leakage and not because of mutiny or stealing.

Hello Aozora.
Thank you very much for trying and submitting your response to onlinenglish.net's free TOEFL Integrated writing task. It is greatly appreciated, and we hope the feedback you receive is helpful.

Score/range: 3 ~ 3.5

Areas to improve

1. Paraphrasing: When paraphrasing or rewording be sure to not lose the intended message or meaning. The first sentence of your introduction does not correlate with what was written in the reading passage.

2. Counter arguments/note taking: When writing, ensure that all points from the reading have been addressed. When taking notes about the listening, focus on what you believe to be the key elements from the reading. Usually, within the first 10 seconds the speaker will have voice his/her position on the topic and this will set you up for concentrating on key words.

3. Grammar: Review your verb tenses before submitting your work. The use of wrong verb tenses, among other problems, contributes to a grade within the 3 range. For example, the use of the present perfect in the following sentence; ‘According to the lecture however, the person who has found the ship was a friend of …’.

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Yannick O'Neill
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