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 please correct my essay

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geminstone



Posts : 1
Join date : 2008-02-27

PostSubject: please correct my essay   Wed Feb 27, 2008 7:24 am

Topic: Which would you choose, a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter
hours that would give more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. [b]


The question of chosing between a high-paying job which takes your time with family and friends away or a lower-paying one but giving you more time with your beloveds is always a big matter, espeacially in modern society now, in which people are striving to sastisfy the more-and-more-increasing demands in both material and spiritual side.
With a high-paying job, you can firstly improve your living standard and then even make everything you ever dreamt of come true. You can buy lots and lots of things, do charity or travel to places you want to go without any consideration for financial problem. However, in order to get a very high salary, you have to work for long hours which will ruin your health and take your time which must be spent enjoying life. In some cases, some people day by day have been hooked on working so deeply that to them, time is seemingly just a blink of an eye. But only when they look back do they realize what they have missed, yet, unfortunately, there is something they cannot get back like health or happy time.
Contrary to a high-paying job with long hours, a lower-paying one with short hours gives you many chances to spend time gathering with friends and family because at least you do not have to work until you get exhausted and want nothing but a sleep. You will be able to share more time with family, go to the gym or simply do your own hobbies. But with a low salary, is it enough for you to afford all the neccessaries in life, or simply the basic needs in your family? Will you be able to pay for the treatment fee when you are seriously ill? Will your happy time with family can completely eternally make up for the lack of material side?
Therefore, in my opinion, we just can try to balance the amount of time spent on working and relaxing as much a possible. But if I have to make a choice, I would like to pick the second one, as I surely know that getting together, we will be fine no matter what is going to happen.
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daniel05



Posts : 3
Join date : 2010-06-15

PostSubject: Please correct My essay   Wed Jun 23, 2010 6:57 am

Hello,

I have read your essay, it was ok, please you concentrate on the grammar what u had wrote.
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daniel05



Posts : 3
Join date : 2010-06-15

PostSubject: Please correct My essay   Wed Jun 23, 2010 7:00 am

Hello,
I checked your essay, still you should correct your grammar.
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celia19O5



Posts : 1
Join date : 2010-07-28
Age : 28
Location : singapore

PostSubject: :D   Wed Jul 28, 2010 7:51 pm

I like the ideas in your essay. I do not see any serious problem As Daniel said, just check your grammar more carefully and I think it will be better.
Maybe my level just stands here, no more to correct for you !


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sfhdweb



Posts : 2
Join date : 2010-12-30

PostSubject: Re: please correct my essay   Sat Feb 05, 2011 4:16 am

In your essay there is a little grammatical mistakes,other thing is ok.
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